So you are going out on your first date. This is your first testing of the waters, and you could not stop a Filipina lady from feeling nervous – especially if this is her first time to go out on a date with a foreigner.

She will be apprehensive because this first date could make or break your future together. Here are some tips to make a good impression on your first date with a Filipina lady.

Look and smell good. Pay attention to your personal grooming. If you appear at her doorsteps as presentable as you can be, she will be very proud to be seen with you in public. Remember her family matters. If your girlfriend is living with her family and you are fetching her from her house, take a few minutes to chat with her parents or siblings. It will make them feel secure to think that their daughter is in good hands with you.

Pick a public venue for your first date, like a downtown or a beachside restaurant, concert, or a show. Never by any means insist that you take her to your hotel room.

Do not act as though you are over-eager to get your hands on her, no matter how long you have been familiar with each other in the chat room.

Do not try to be too forward with a Filipina especially on this first date. She will feel offended that you do not respect her. You may get the shock of your life if she slaps you in public or walks out on you. Your date needs to feel safe and secure with you. Do not restrict her and instruct her to turn off her cellular phone, as she would consider this as her lifeline “in case things get out of hand” while you are together. You, after all are a stranger.

Take an interest in your date but do not ask a lot of questions, like her past relationships, or dig for personal information that will only embarrass her. Talk only about things in general, and leave the investigative questioning to the FBI.

Do not ply her with drinks. The majority of Filipina ladies, especially those from the conservative families very rarely drink, if at all. A glass or two of wine or beer may mean nothing to the women in your country but for somebody not used to it, it may spell a different story. If you are dining out, bring your table manners with you. It is a big turn off for a Filipina lady to see you talk with your mouth full, or eat with your mouth open, or slurp your food. One more thing, she will expect you to pick up the bill.

To kiss or not to kiss? Most Filipina ladies would not expect a goodnight kiss from you especially as this is your first date. Do not be disappointed if you try and she turns her head away because she may be undecided between wanting to receive your kiss or fear that you will think she is cheap.

After your date, act every inch like a gentleman and take her back to her house. Thank her for going out with you but be honest and do not make promises if you have no plans to see her again. Remember, a successful first date is your key to succeeding dates in the future.

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In the first place, men and women were created differently from each other and even if you marry a woman from your own country, it still takes effort to make a relationship work. When a foreigner dates a Filipina lady whose background is totally different, it means both must double their effort for things to click. Unless you were dragged to the marriage chamber with a handkerchief over your eyes, you are aware of this and saying “I do” means you have to accept her for what she is, what she stands for. Here are some issues where you differ:

Attachment to her family. For a Filipina lady, family always comes first so the need to be in constant communication with her family is always there. She will always think what is better for her family.

Money. In a Filipino family, the woman usually holds the purse strings and does the budget. One habit you may not understand is a Filipina lady may splurge and spend hard-earned money on fiestas, celebrations.

Food.The Filipina lady may adjust to your taste but she will still crave for her usual rice and viand servings. She also eats foods you may consider bizarre like balut, a boiled day-old chick egg dipped in vinegar and salt, bagoong (anchovy), and tuyo (dried fish). The smell of these foods may be disgusting to you but please do not call the police to arrest her if she eats these (although there is a danger that your neighbors will!).

Growing up with the idea that food is not that easy to find, your girlfriend always thinks of ways to save, so do not be surprised to see leftover food from breakfast reappear at the table for lunch. When you dine out in a restaurant, your girlfriend would probably ask the waiter to wrap what is left to take home. Deep in her heart, she may be feeling guilty and wondering what her family is having for dinner while she is at the plush restaurant with you.

Privacy. When a Filipina lady already considers you as family, she may take things for granted and be offended when you react if she inspects your wallet, emails, and even cellphone messages. To her, it is not an intrusion of privacy but a symbol that you trust her and that since you would be married anyway, there should be no secrets between you.

Time. When your girlfriend says “I will be there around 6 o’clock”, do not expect here to be there on the dot. Expect her up to even an hour later as she does not want to appear “too eager”. Filipino time is never on time.

Communication problems. Your girlfriend may not be able to tell you exactly what she wants. She is not trained to holler and shout when she needs to and you may not understand what she means when she says something. She may even expect you to read her raised eyebrows and puckered lip.

Permanence in relationship. Your view on marriage and relationships may differ. For a Filipina lady, marriage is a permanent thing and she will not think of divorce when things go wrong. Remember “it is because you are so different from each other that you have so much to share”.

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There’s only one good thing about breaking up and that’s making up, especially during the holidays. Why do people fall in love and the end up crying? Breaking up is something like untying a rope to a tree; breaking a glass or tearing a piece of paper. Being meant to be in a relationship in spite of the obstacle the couple encounter is not possible so long if any of them will do the first move to initiate the make up. If love is still prevailing, why not cope up the lost time?

I will share to you the love story of my friend. I had known this relationship because I was the “sumbungan” of their happy and sad memories of their relationship.

THE BREAK-UP:

“Looking back, I know that I freaked out; I became a commitment-phobe,’ says 25-year-old Samantha. After she graduated from college in 2002, Samantha returned home to- leaving behind Dave, her boyfriend of two years. ” Dave still had another year of school left,’ says Samantha. “We were totally in love, and I tried very hard to do the long- distance- relationship thing- we would see each other almost every weekend. But eventually we got so caught up in our own lives that we practically stopped talking.”

After a series of strained phone conversations, Samantha and Dave ended their relationship. Determined to make the most of her new freedom, Samantha began to date “a lot”, but she couldn’t stop thinking about Dave. No matter how many dinner dates she laughed through, he was on her mind: “I kept asking myself, how I could have let him go?’

The breakup wasn’t easy for Dave either. “When we ended, I was so upset, “remembers Dave, 24. “I missed Samantha terribly, but there was nothing I could do. She was in Cagayan; I was in Manila. I just had to get on with my life.”

THE MAKE-UP:

When Dave graduated a year later, he moved to Cebu City. Unknown to him, Samantha had also moved to the city to pursue her medical course. Then at 7:00 on New Year’s morning, Samantha received a call that made her heart sink. Her best friend was phoning to say that she had been to a bar the night before and had bumped into Dave- with his new girlfriend, a beautiful blond. “When my friend told me she saw Dave with another girl, I cried my eyes out and called him immediately, “Samantha recounts. ” It was vey weird. I cried even more on the phone. I just missed him so much.”

Understandably, Dave had his reservations. “I didn’t want to get hurt,” he says, “but I couldn’t not see her.” He agreed to meet Samantha for a holiday drink.

Samantha recalls her feelings when she met Dave again: “I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. My hands were shaking. The conversation was very awkward. We were both trying to pretend that life over the past year had been great, when in truth we were both hiding a lot of sadness.” But says Samantha with a big grin, “A couple of drinks were just like old times again.”

The evening ended with a good-night kiss, and they quickly picked up their relationship where they’d left off. “We fell in love all over again,” Dave says. “That was two years ago. Now. I can’t imagine life without her.” And that other blond? Promptly banished to Christmas past.

A Filipina in her early twenties, clad in a tight-fitting pair of jeans, a body-hugging shirt walks on a busy street in the Philippines. She attracts attention not only because of her looks but because she is holding hands with a foreigner who is old enough to be her grandfather.

Two blocks away, a woman in her late forties is hanging on to the arm of a 65-year old foreigner. Both women will be marrying their boyfriends soon and each had her own reasons. Every year more Filipina ladies are leaving the country each year to marry a foreigner. Here are some of the common reasons for these marriages:

The search for greener pastures.

It is undeniable that a big percentage of the Filipina girls who marry foreigners look at their husbands as a “visa” for them to go find better opportunities abroad. Filipina ladies have a mission to support their family as soon as they are able to, like help send younger siblings to school or take over the responsibility as the head of the family.

Travel and adventure

A foreigner husband is a ticket to exciting worlds beyond the desolate place she may have grown up in. She looks at him as the realization of her childhood dreams of traveling to far places.

Status elevation

As ironic as it seems, majority of the Filipino women prefers American love stories over Philippine films and they get all dreamy eyed and instantly fall in love when they see a caucasian man.

Age factor

While a woman in her late thirties is considered in the prime of life in other countries, it is not the case for a Filipina because when she is past 30 and is still unmarried, eyebrows will start to rise and her chances of getting married starts to get slim and meeting a foreigner for a prospective husband online is one of her few choices. Usually, a Filipina marries in her late teens or early 20s and should already have a child in college by the time she is 40 years old.

Failed marriages

Failure in her marriage could also push Filipina ladies to look to foreigners for a second chance. Some of these Filipina ladies are unwed mothers, while others are victims of abusive husbands, forced to do menial jobs for a meager pay just to support her children.

Average looks

An average looking Filipina (meaning not the beauty queen material) may feel she does not have to go to lengths and pay huge amounts to augment her physical features to attract a foreign husband-to-be.

True Love

You may find it hard to believe this but despite the perception that the Filipina is taking a risk marrying a person with a different set of values with a different cultural background, love could be the reason why she will marry a foreigner.

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